Craving

See, I have this craving. I've known that I have had this craving for a long time. I kind of mentioned it before, but actually, my brother brought it up today. He was explaining how I'm not socially capable and I will need to get out of the safe bubble I am in right now to learn how to be more socially acceptable. I completely agree with him. But stuck in my mind is what he said about friendship. He explained how most friendships are about what you give and what you get. What do you have to offer me? Social standing? Connections to more friends? Wisdom? What can I give you? And the key point is when he talked about genuine friendship, the frienship that lasts and does not rely on what can be gained or given and has intimacy, perseverence, committment, and brotherly love. He explained the two examples of that friendship in his life. Then he asked me who I have with that kind of relationship. Not wanting to seem empty-handed, I gave a couple of names of good friends of mine, but I knew that I did not have that kind of relationship with them. And that is what my craving is.

     I have consciously known for a long time that I want a "best friend" and unfortunately, while I may have many "good friends," none of them really have that serious brother-to-brother relationship with me. In fact, I've thought about who could be potential best friends and pondered on how I could get closer to them and tried to interact with them more and more and stuff like that. Right now, I can not say I have made much progress, but still, I have prayed about it. Honestly, I would probably choose a best friend over a girlfriend or a thousand dollars or the best sudden growth in drumming skills. What really stinks is that I have more friends that are girls than guys and girls are too much trouble to be best friends with.....