Christmas Time

Christmas time is coming around! It's December 4th and stuff. I like the spirit of the holiday. I know the purpose of the holiday, which is to remember and celebrate the day of Jesus' birth (which was nowhere near this time of the year), but still, I guiltily feel more significance from the holiday's general feeling of togetherness. It's a day of gift-giving and I have already ordered and received some of the gifts I'm going to give to my friends. However, if I think about it, a big part of me is not giving these gifts for the sake of giving gifts.

Actually, I'm giving these gifts for the sake of getting the credit of giving these gifts to my friends. More specifically, I'm giving these gifts to assert my friendship to my friends. Basically, I'm showing my friends that, "yes, I'm such a close friend to you that I buy you Christmas gifts." It's a selfish way of giving gifts. I'm doing it for the sake of my receiving a sense of intimacy with my friends. In the same way, I want to receive gifts so that I get the message from my friends saying, "Yes, you are a close enough friend that I went through the trouble to buy something for you." I find security from the fact that I'm loved from my friends and I'm just looking for that feeling of security in hoping for receiving gifts on Christmas. It doesn't really seem right... I think a lot of people the way I do though.